Whod you bang
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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