Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
