I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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