dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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