Pappa wants mamma naked
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
