its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
