Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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