I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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