I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
