You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
