I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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