You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
