just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize