when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
