My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
