a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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