I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
