i think my tv is drunk
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
