It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
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I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
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You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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