Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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