the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Barsexuality is the new black.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
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u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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