If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
