1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
