whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize