so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
