what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
