I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
