the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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