I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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