I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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