I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
