Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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