she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
