She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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