guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have tasted many bathrooms
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