At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
