Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Randomize
