there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
