Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
