my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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