Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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