I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
