I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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