I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
