When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
