so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize