Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
