I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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