i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
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He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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