i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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