OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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