wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
