Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We're too hungover to prance.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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