No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
