she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
