I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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