Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
