Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
