After last night, I could never be a politician.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
