Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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