i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
