I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
